It is important for you to know the characteristics of manipulation and how to deal with it. Manipulation is a problem that can arise in all types of relationships, both personal and professional.
Manipulation is a way that a person (manipulator) uses to attack or influence the emotions and mentality of others, so that he can control others and get what he wants.
The things manipulators seek to gain may vary, such as power, control, benefits, or privileges held by their victims.
Manipulation Traits You Should Know
A manipulator usually uses tricks to make his victim tend to give in to his wishes and demands. Therefore, be aware of the following characteristics of manipulation that are generally carried out by a manipulator:
1. Interact in your comfort zone
A manipulator usually insists on meeting or interacting with you in his comfort zone, such as his home, office, or favorite restaurant. This he does so that he can control the situation, so he can get what he wants more easily.
2. Manipulating facts
A manipulator is also generally very often manipulate or distort facts.
He is usually very good at lying, making excuses, withholding important information, or often blaming the victim if something happens (victim blaming). That way, you will feel cornered and he can be more powerful than you.
3. Easy to get close to other people
Manipulative people will often share their secrets and fears to make you feel special, so you will share yours with them too. This secret can then be used as a weapon to fight or take advantage of you someday.
4. Asking provocation questions
This is a characteristic of manipulation that is common in professional relationships, but can also occur in personal relationships.
To manipulate, a manipulator often asks questions to get you to share your thoughts or concerns first. After that, he will respond in an unkind way and provoke disagreement.
This strategy allows the manipulator to control and influence your decisions, because you feel guilty for expressing the thoughts that led to the dispute.
5. Doing intellectual bullying
Intellectual bullying (intellectual bullying) is also one of the characteristics of manipulation. Intellectual bullying is usually done by exposing data or facts that you have no control over. This can then make you feel incapable and powerless in making a decision.
6. Making offensive jokes
A manipulative person also often makes jokes that are meant to expose your weaknesses, thereby making you feel uncomfortable or inferior in front of others. That way, he will feel bigger and more powerful than you.
7. Makes you feel guilty
This is also one of the characteristics of manipulation. When you're happy about an accomplishment, a manipulator will try to downplay your accomplishments and compare them to someone else's greater happiness. This will make you feel like you don't deserve to be proud of your accomplishments.
On the other hand, when you have a bad experience, the manipulator will try to make his problem seem worse or more pressing than yours. This can make you feel guilty for the sadness you are feeling.
How to Deal with Manipulative Persons
The manipulation that exists in a relationship must be stopped immediately. Otherwise, it can risk disrupting your mental health. Therefore, you must be careful in recognizing and identifying the characteristics of manipulation as above.
Once you are able to recognize and identify the characteristics of manipulation, there are several ways you can reduce the emotional impact of the manipulation.
Here are some ways to deal with manipulative people:
- State your opinion clearly, firmly, directly, and specifically. Apologize if you are at fault, but don't overdo it.
- Don't think too deeply about what the manipulator says.
- Avoid making hasty decisions.
- No need to try to beat the manipulator. Instead, find a way to subtly let him know that you understand he is manipulating you.
- Avoid too much interaction with the manipulator, especially if your relationship with him is not personal.
- Find someone you can trust, who isn't under the influence of a manipulator, to talk to or ask for advice about your situation.
Constantly interacting with a manipulator can make you feel bad, stupid, and low. Even if that's not the case, you can believe that this is due to manipulation. It is not impossible if over time you fall into depression.
So, if you have a problem with people who like to manipulate or start to get annoyed with their manipulative actions, or get stuck in a relationship gaslighting, try to keep your distance. If it's not possible to keep your distance or you're starting to feel pressured by their actions, it never hurts to consult a psychologist.