Assertiveness is one of the skills in communication. Assertiveness is characterized by the ability to communicate honestly, firmly, and straightforwardly, but still being able to respect the feelings of others.
Learning and practicing self-assertiveness is important. This is because assertiveness can help you express yourself effectively, defend your point of view, avoid conflict, increase your self-confidence, and respect the rights and beliefs of others.
Characteristics of People Who Have an Assertive Attitude
Below are some characteristics of people who are able to be assertive:
- Able to give opinion firmly
- Being able to say what I feel honestly
- Able to ask for what is needed or wanted clearly
- Able to give ideas and suggestions to others
- Being able to say 'no' without feeling guilty
- Able to represent other people to talk
- Able to express disagreement in a good way
How to Learn Assertiveness
There are people who can be assertive naturally. However, assertiveness can also be learned and trained independently.
However, before learning assertiveness, try to pay attention to your style and way of communicating so far. Do you communicate in a passive or aggressive style?
Passive communication style is characterized by a lack of confidence when expressing opinions, always feels bad to say 'no', and has difficulty expressing feelings honestly.
Meanwhile, aggressive communication style is usually characterized by a level of self-confidence that is too high and tends not to empathize with the views and needs of others.
By paying attention and understanding how you communicate over the years, it will be easier for you to learn ways to be assertive. Here are a variety of ways you can practice your self-assertive skills:
1. Respect yourself
To be assertive, you need to understand and respect yourself first. This will help you to realize that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. It can also increase your confidence to stand up for your rights and protect your boundaries.
2. Practice saying 'no'
Saying 'no' can sometimes be hard to do, especially if you're one of the people pleaser who are not used to it. However, if you want to be assertive, you have to practice saying 'no' to things that you really don't like or that might weigh you down.
Learn to be honest with the other person about your limitations, needs, and responsibilities, so he can understand the reason behind your refusal to accept his request and you won't feel guilty afterwards.
3. Use the word 'I' when giving an opinion
You can also apply this method to train yourself to be assertive. Using the word 'I' at the beginning of a sentence can help the other person understand what you're thinking and feeling without sounding accusatory.
For example, if you don't agree with something, try starting the phrase with 'I don't think this is appropriate, because…', rather than 'You are wrong'. Also, if you have a request, it's better to say 'I would be very happy if you help' rather than 'You should help me'.
4. Use good body language
Communication is not only verbal, but also nonverbal. Body language is a type of nonverbal communication. To manifest an assertive attitude, you can try to use good body language when communicating with other people.
For example, maintain an upright posture, make appropriate eye contact, maintain a positive facial expression, and avoid crossing your arms or legs when communicating. With good body language as above, you will be able to communicate more confidently, decisively, and effectively.
5. Control emotions well
This is also important for you to practice so that you can be assertive. When you're in a poor communication situation, you may feel angry, frustrated, or even want to cry.
While actually normal, these emotions can get in the way of conflict resolution. So, when faced with a conflict, try to control your emotions by remaining calm and keeping your voice intonation. If you're feeling overly emotional, you can wait for the emotions to subside before returning to the situation.
Keep in mind that becoming a person who is able to be assertive may take some time. So, try to keep practicing patiently using the methods above. If you have difficulty communicating, it never hurts to consult a psychologist.