Assertive isthe attitude of being able to communicate honestly and firmly, but still respecting and caring for the feelings of others. This attitude is important for many people to have. However, this attitude does not appear by itself, but must be formed through the learning process in everyday life.
Assertiveness is very useful in many aspects of life, from defending your rights, resolving conflicts between coworkers, friends, or partners, to developing a good impression of yourself.
One example in everyday life is as follows. A's work is piling up, but a senior coworker asks for help with an additional assignment. In fact, the task is actually not the responsibility of Person A.
Assertiveness is if A refuses the request for help politely and calmly. A will also honestly state that he can't help, because he has a lot of work to do as well.
Various Benefits of Being Assertive
Assertive people usually have an effective and diplomatic communication style, so it's no wonder they have the ability to resolve conflicts and disputes.
Apart from being seen as an effective communication style, assertiveness also has several important benefits that can be felt in everyday life, including:
- Easy to make friends with anyone
- Always respected and appreciated by others
- Increase self-confidence
- Improve skills in decision making
- Help deal with stress
- Will not be bullied or used by others
Assertiveness will make others see you as a confident and friendly person. This is the opposite of passivity, but it is also not the same as aggressiveness. If using situation A earlier, it would be something like this.
An unassertive attitude is if A accepts the additional task, he secretly has a heavy heart because he doesn't dare to refuse. This attitude is also known as passive attitude. A will usually regret his decision, but can't do anything about it. In the future, he can also be seen as someone who is easy to use.
Meanwhile, an aggressive attitude is if A refuses a request for help vehemently. He also will not hesitate to state that the task is not his responsibility and he should not be asked for such help. This kind of attitude can of course easily make other people dislike A and stay away from him.
Tips for Applying Assertiveness in Daily Life
The following are some steps to apply assertiveness that you can do in your daily life:
1. Be a good listener
Try to always pay attention to everything the other person is saying. Don't interrupt the conversation even if you have an opinion. Wait for the person to finish speaking, then state your opinion. While listening, try to understand the person's point of view and situation.
2. Dare to express differences of opinion
Differences of opinion are common. When you don't agree with the other person, you have to be brave enough to say it. Remember, expressing is different from forcing an opinion. Also remember that you may still be wrong, even if you are very confident in your opinion.
3. Always respect others
Remember to respect other people when you are expressing certain thoughts, desires, or opinions. Avoid being stubborn about your opinion and make sure you express your opinion while respecting the feelings of others.
4. Avoid feeling guilty
Avoid feeling guilty after you say no to an opinion or refuse a request. You don't have to be people pleaser or always pleasing others. As long as you come up with reasons that are honest, sound, and don't break the rules, there's no reason to feel guilty.
5. Keep calm when talking
When talking to anyone, try to look the other person in the eye by keeping a calm facial expression, then speak in a normal tone of voice and of course in polite words.
6. Avoid using aggressive sentences
When talking to anyone, avoid using sentences that feel offensive and potentially hurtful, especially when you're in the middle of a conflict.
A simple tip that you can do is to use sentences that begin with the word "I" when expressing your opinion. For example, "I feel unappreciated in this group," will sound better than, "You never respect me."
7. Position the other person as a friend
When there is a conflict, try to view the other person as a friend, not an enemy. This is useful in order to create an agreement that mutually respects both parties.
8. Practice with the little things
Practice being assertive with your friends or loved ones. In fact, you can practice in front of a mirror by creating scenarios in your head. For example, try practicing your speech and gestures when refusing a request for help with your friend's college assignment.
9. Learn from many people
To support assertive behavior skills, you can learn a lot from many people, be it family, friends, or community leaders. Pay attention to his body language and choice of words.
10. Always be patient
Being assertive is a long process. Sometimes, practicing this attitude also requires extra courage and can be exhausting. Not to mention if someone comments on your change in attitude. So you also need patience and perseverance to develop this attitude.
Those are the tips that you can apply to form an assertive attitude. All of the above tips certainly need to be done consistently. Assertiveness is a good capital to face life. So, it will not be in vain for you to develop this attitude.
If during the practice of being assertive, you encounter difficulties or get ridicule from the people around you, don't hesitate to ask a psychologist for help so that your mind is not burdened. In addition, psychologists can also give you tips on practicing assertiveness that are appropriate for your situation.