"Actually I don't want to, but I don't feel good if I refuse." Do you often think so? Maybe you have become people pleaser. This trait is not a good habit and can reduce the quality of your life. Come on, identify what are the signs and ways to stop being people pleaser.
People pleaser is a term for someone who always tries to please the people around him. For women, this trait can also be called good girl syndrome. A people pleaser will have a tendency to do whatever it takes to keep others from being disappointed in him.
There is no definite reason why someone becomes people pleaser. However, it is known that people who insecure and have a past trauma, such as sexual abuse or broken home, tends to grow into people pleaser.
Recognize Signs People Pleaser
The most visible sign of people pleaser it is difficult to say no or refuse someone's request. People pleaser will try hard to do what other people ask for the happiness of that person.
In addition, there are some recognizable markings on the people pleaser, among others:
- Humble yourself
- Always agree with other people's opinion and ignore personal opinion to avoid debate
- Feeling responsible for other people's feelings
- Apologizing for unnecessary things
- Blame yourself
- Don't have much free time for yourself
- Feeling afraid if someone is angry
- Need praise to feel valuable
- Never admit your own feelings, be it when you're sad or angry
- Always willing to help others, but reluctant to accept help
How to Stop Being People Pleaser
At a glance, be people pleaser Sounds positive, huh? However, maintaining this trait will only make you feel inferior to others. People pleaser also often sacrifices his feelings for the sake of other people's pleasure, because in fact he also feels heavy-hearted when many are asked for help.
Often people pleaser be the first target to be delegated a task, because it is known to accept the task with pleasure. Although not everyone intends to take advantage of it, over time a people pleaser will feel himself taken advantage of and sacrifice too much.
As a result, a people pleaser can harbor hatred and even become frustrated. Even not only himself, his family and closest people people pleaser will feel frustrated and annoyed to see his behavior which in the end will just be used.
If he is around manipulative people, people pleaser are also at risk of being scammed and abused. Seeing the pattern of his life that drains a lot of energy and harbors feelings, he will also be more at risk of experiencing physical and mental health problems.
This trait is certainly not a good thing to maintain. To stop being people pleaser, you have to do the following steps:
1. Be more assertive with yourself and others
Feelings of discomfort and lack of assertiveness can make you people pleaser. From now on, get used to being assertive alias firm to yourself and others. If you are asked for help that is beyond your capacity or costs you, politely decline it and explain what made it impossible for you to do so.
2. Think before doing something for someone else
Helping each other is indeed a commendable attitude. However, you should think before doing something for someone else. Observe, whether the request for help includes taking advantage of you or not.
3. Don't apologize if it's not your fault
Apologize as necessary, that is, when you did make a mistake. Don't easily say sorry if it wasn't you who made the mistake. Apologizing for someone else's mistakes doesn't mean you're protecting them, it's actually making them let go of responsibility.
This can obviously affect your good name and harm you. Remember, don't feel responsible for other people's lives. Better, just finish all the obligations that you have, yes.
4. Prioritize your happiness
Happiness is not something you can find, but you have to create it yourself. If you always expect happiness from other people's compliments or other people's thanks after helping them, that's not true happiness.
You can't force other people to respond to what you do. If it turns out that the person you are helping is difficult to be satisfied with your work, when can you feel happy? So, look for something from yourself and for yourself someone who can make you happy, without needing anyone else.
Helping others is a good thing. However, you don't need to overdo it to give up all means and put yourself aside. Instill in your heart and mind that you are not a tool to make other people happy. You must also realize that you are not living for other people.
Find your own happiness without prioritizing anyone's interests. Love yourself and develop the potential that is within you. Other people can come and go. So, it's not someone else you need to love, you are the one who deserves the most priority.
If after applying the tips above you still can't stop being people pleaser, it is time for you to consult a psychologist who can provide the right advice and guidance to change this bad trait.